


Shelter

by Of_stars_and_moon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First War with Voldemort, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Pining, Post-Hogwarts, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28429818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_stars_and_moon/pseuds/Of_stars_and_moon
Summary: 'This little cozy world filled with Minnie's purrs and Sirius' happy smile was so welcoming that it made Remus' heart ache even more. Tomorrow's nightmare was like lead in Remus' blood, making his limbs heavy.'(Remus has to leave  to work undercover with Greyback's pack and there are too many unsaid things)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 17
Kudos: 74





	1. I don't wanna go to war but I'm about to

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moonlight_and_the_stars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlight_and_the_stars/gifts).



> This is for Berry because I love you but you like angst so here's Remus having to leave for a mission and angsty pining :))

As soon as Dumbledore had called Remus aside after the order meeting, Remus had a bad feeling about it. And he turned out to be right as Dumbledore mentioned his worst nightmare.

"I’m sure you’re aware that Fenrir Greyback is working for voldemort?" Dumbledore asked, and Remus nodded, suddenly feeling sick at the name. "Well he is recruiting more werewolves to work with him."

Remus had heard rumors about that but he had desperately hoped that it wasn’t true. But now his hope withered away, replaced by despair. And Dumbledore's next words hit like a slap.

"We need you to convince them to fight with us."

Remus blinked at him. "What?"

"You need to infiltrate their pack and turn them against Fenrir. They will listen to you. You’re one of their own kind."

Remus barely managed to stop a flinch, digging his nails into his palm. "I can’t..."

"I know I’m asking a lot. But you’re the only one who can do this."

"I’m... Greyback knows me... He...He will recognize me."

"I don’t think he will if you lay low. But even if he does, I’m sure he'll believe you. Almost every pack is joining them."

_ He thinks I’m like them. He thinks people will easily believe that because I’m a monster,  _ Remus thought.

"I am afraid this is our last hope," Dumbledore continued. "If they fight with Voldemort, there’s no way we can win this war. Everyone's life depends on you, Mister lupin."

Remus thought of his friends, of everyone in the Order, of countless innocents dying every day. He couldn’t do this, but he didn’t have a choice. "When… When do I have to go?"

Dumbledore's lips curved upwards slightly and Remus told himself that he imagined it, because he didn’t know how to feel otherwise. "The sooner, the better," he replied. "So tomorrow."

Remus glanced out the window at the setting sun. He had less than twenty four hours. He took a deep breath and asked, "How long do I have to stay there?"

"I think for the first time, three weeks will be fine. Then you can come back with information."

"Three weeks," Remus mumbled, mind getting dizzy with thoughts. "The full moon is in two weeks."

Dumbledore nodded. "Spending a full moon with them will help you win their trust quickly."

Remus felt nauseous with fear. He hadn’t transformed without his friends in years. What will he do without them? And during holidays, his parents were always there after transformations. The mere thought of being without his friends, and even worse, being with a different pack, made his skin feel too tight. And he could feel the Wolf's restlessness like an itch deep in his bones.

He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped. He couldn’t say anything to Dumbledore without revealing that the others were animagus. And Dumbledore wouldn’t listen if he told him that he didn’t want to spend the full moon with them. "How will I convince Sirius?" he wondered out loud. "He always helps me after transformations."

Just when he thought this conversation couldn’t get any worse, Dumbledore replied. "You shouldn’t tell them about this, especially Sirius. You know they won’t let you go. And while I understand their concern, it’s important."

So he was basically sending Remus on a suicide mission and not even letting him say goodbye. Remus felt sudden burning rage at the man, but he forced it down. He owed everything to Dumbledore. His life wouldn’t be anything if Dumbledore hadn’t let him in Hogwarts. It was fitting that, in a way, he would take it away.

"Okay," Remus muttered because he didn’t know what else to say.

"We'll go over the final details tomorrow morning," Dumbledore said.

Remus nodded and left, apparating to the flat. As he walked in, he was hit the smell of freshly baked cookies and under that, a smell distinctly of home. He heard Minnie's meows before she ran out of the kitchen towards him, rubbing herself against his legs.

"Hey, you’re home," Sirius said, appearing in the kitchen doorway, hair fluffed up due to the heat. "I made cookies today!"

And Remus realized he shouldn’t have come straight here. He should have tried to compose himself before coming here, because suddenly everything was too much. This little cozy world filled with Minnie's purrs and Sirius' happy smile was so welcoming that it made Remus' heart ache even more. Tomorrow's nightmare was like lead in Remus' blood, making his limbs heavy. He couldn’t survive that. He couldn’t.

Ignoring the tightness in his chest, he crouched down to pet minnie, plastering a smile on his face as he and Sirius walked to the kitchen.

"Do you want to eat here or in the living room?" Sirius asked.

Remus took a glass of water, not trusting himself to speak, and motioned towards the living room.

As Sirius picked up the tray and left, Remus placed his hands on the counter and hanged his head forward, forcing himself to breathe in deeply.

"Are you coming-" He heard Sirius' sentence cut short with a curse and then there was a hand on the back of his neck. "Hey, what’s wrong?"

Remus turned to the other boy. "Nothing. I’m just stressed lately."

"The full is in two weeks. Are you exhausted because of that?" Sirius asked, bringing his other hand to touch Remus' forehead gently.

Remus shut his eyes briefly. No matter how many times Sirius did these caring things, it still made Remus' heart flutter. Today, however, it twisted the knife in Remus' chest, the painful reminder like a burning headache. "I think so," he replied. "And I have to leave for a mission tomorrow, so I’m worried about that."

"You don’t have to go," Sirius said immediately. "I can take your place."

Remus shook his head. He knew Sirius wouldn’t agree easily so he lied, "You probably have another mission tomorrow."

"Oh." Sirius looked worried at that. "Who’s going with you?"

"Probably Peter or Benjy I think." Sirius would find out soon that it wasn’t true. Remus hoped he wouldn’t be too angry at that.

"Okay. When will you be back?"

"I… In a week," he lied.

"So you can rest for the week after that," Sirius said, looking relieved at that and Remus hated himself.

"Yeah," Remus mumbled, but he couldn’t keep the uncertainty from his voice.

"Hey." Sirius used his hand on the back of Remus' neck to tug him closer. "It's going to be okay," he said softly. "I'll make sure that James and Peter are also here for the transformation, okay?"

"Okay," Remus muttered, staring into the calm grey of Sirius' eyes. Words burned at the back of his throat, waiting to be confessed.  _ Tell him _ , a voice in his head said,  _ tell him you love him. _

"Come on, let’s eat," Sirius said, letting go of Remus and stepping back.

Remus swallowed down the words and followed him to the living room, where Minnie was nibbling on a cookie. They sat down and ate mostly in silence; Remus complimented the taste and Sirius promised that he will make more when Remus comes back, Remus put on a smile and ignored how the cookies turned into ashes in his mouth.

When they finished eating, Sirius left the room and returned with a bag, dropping it in Remus' lap. "I know it’s only a week, but it’s close to the full, so I packed some calming potion and healing potion in case you need them. And some water and food."

Remus took a long breath. "Thanks," he managed past the lump in his throat, giving Sirius a small smile.  _ Tell him _ , the voice said again.

Sirius waved it off with a “It’s not a big deal.”

Later, Remus laid in his bed besides a sleeping Minnie, awake despite the exhaustion. He knew he should sleep, he wouldn’t get proper sleep in weeks, but he couldn’t stop thinking. He wished Sirius was here, being around him was always calming.

As if on cue, there was a soft knock on the door and for a second, Remus thought that it was just his imagination, but then Sirius' voice came through the door, "Hey? You awake?"

Remus got up, careful not to jostle Minnie, and opened the door.

"Hey," Sirius said, looking a bit sheepish. "I was worried if you were okay, so I thought I would check in on you. Why are you still awake?"

"Couldn’t sleep," Remus replied.

"You need rest for tomorrow though. Do you need something?"

Remus thought for a while, then decided to take the chance. "Could you stay for some time?"

Sirius looked a little surprised by the request, then nodded. "Of course."

They walked to the bed and settled down facing each other, Minnie curled up between them.

"I can stay here tonight, if you want," Sirius offered.

"Oh," Remus breathed out. "Okay."

_ Tell him. _

"Do you want me to turn into Padfoot?"

Remus shook his head against the pillow. "No, it's fine like this."

"Okay." Sirius reached out and ran his finger over Remus' palm, tracing circles on his scars.

_ Tell him _ .

"Sirius?"

_ I love you. _

"Hmm?"

_ Tell him. _

__

He couldn't.

"Thank you," he whispered. 

"For what?"

_ For talking to me on the train on our first day. For being my first friend. For not leaving when you saw the ugly parts of me. For giving me hope that maybe I could love too _ . "For staying," he said, hoping that later Sirius would understand that he meant it for everything.

Sirius lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "It's fine." He rested his hand on Remus', fingers slipping between his, and closed his eyes. "Go to sleep, Moony."

"Goodnight," Remus whispered, gaze on their joined hands.  _ I love you.  _

The fear and hopelessness was still there, but with Sirius at his side, it was easier to stop his racing thoughts and soon, he fell asleep.

\---

He woke up due to Minnie's impatient meowing and realized they had moved while sleeping, and now Sirius was facing the other side and Remus' arm was wrapped around him, face buried in his hair. Their fingers were interlocked, so Remus couldn’t pull back without jostling Sirius. He took a deep breath to calm himself, but Sirius' scent just made his pulse race faster. His heart ached with the realization that he probably won’t have this again, but he forced himself to not think of that.

Minnie, who was strolling around them, nudged Sirius' face, effectively waking him up. "Oh hey! Are you hungry?" Sirius said, bringing up his hand to pet her. 

Remus pulled back and sat up, rubbing his eyes as Minnie jumped over Sirius' chest to climb on his lap. "Good morning." Remus smiled at her. He wasn’t going to ruin the morning by thinking about the mission.

“How are you feeling?” Sirius asked, sitting up as well.

“Better,” Remus replied. He didn’t know what he would have done if Sirius wouldn’t have been here and he hadn’t gotten the much needed sleep.

“You have to leave after breakfast?” Sirius asked. At Remus’ nod, he got up, saying, “Well I’ll make the best breakfast that you’ll remember for this whole week.”

_ Three weeks,  _ the voice in his head said as he managed to give Sirius a small smile.

“It was really delicious,” Remus said later as he stood in the living room, bag slung over his shoulder.

“Told you,” Sirius said, but his usual confidence was missing. He let out a sigh. “I wish I could come with you. I hate it when we go on separate missions.”

“Me too,” Remus said, licking his lips. He brushed Sirius’ hair away from his forehead. “Take care of Minnie. And yourself.”

Sirius nodded. “You too.”

_ I wish that was possible.  _ “I’ll try.”

Sirius stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck. Remus let out a breath as he hugged him back.

“Good luck,” Sirius whispered as he pulled back.

“Thanks,” Remus replied, stepping back and ignoring the cold dread seeping through him as he disapparated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are really loved! Chapter 2 from Sirius' pov and more angst but with happy ending coming in a few days! And you can find me on Tumblr [ here ](https://of-stars-and-moon.tumblr.com/)  
> Also in case you're wondering where Minnie came from, [ here's that oneshot ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27366121)


	2. I don't wanna think about a life without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter with the promised happy ending! Also did you see what I did with the titles? XD  
> Tw: mentions of blood and injury

Finding out that neither Peter nor Benjy were on the mission with Remus was the first thing in more terrible events to follow. No matter how many times they asked Moody about Remus' mission, he refused to answer, saying things like it was a secret mission, which made Sirius want to strangle him. After the first week passed and Remus didn’t return, Sirius' fear increased by every passing hour. Every night he would stare at the waxing moon, waiting for Remus, and every night he would go to bed, dejected, and frightening possibilities lurking in his head.

He finally lost it on the morning of the full moon. Moody was still not answering their questions, saying they should go to Dumbledore if they want their answers, and there didn’t seem to be any letters from Remus. So Sirius, along with James, went to talk to Dumbledore.

"Tonight is the full moon and you still won’t tell us where he is?" Sirius exclaimed in disbelief when Dumbledore gave them the same bullshit.

"He should have been back by now," James said. "Something could be wrong."

"I assure you both that nothing is wrong. The mission took longer than we expected, but we had prepared for that in case this happened."

"Prepare?" James asked, at the same time as Sirius said, “What do you mean?”

"There’s a cell near the warehouse he is in and we had included chains too to-"

"Are you fucking kidding me!" Sirius interrupted, heart dropping into his stomach. "Chains? The wolf will shred him apart trying to get out of those!"

"Who’s with him?" James asked, eyes wide with fear. "Do they know any healing spells?"

"Two of our new recruits, and one of them is good at healing spells," Dumbledore answered.

"New recruits?" Sirius repeated, voice rising. "You sent him there knowing he could be stuck there during the full moon and sent fucking new recruits with him? What’s wrong with you?"

"Mister Black, I know you’re worried, but arguing with me isn’t going to help."

"It would help if you just told us where the fuck is he!" Sirius yelled. "Don’t you care that he could get really hurt?"

"I do care, Mister Black. But there’s nothing we can do, except hope for the best."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked incredulously. "We can get him back! We have potions for him and I know healing magic."

"Sending a letter or going there would give away their location and compromise their mission," Dumbledore replied. "Mister Potter, I think you and Mister Black should take a day off missions today. It doesn’t seem like you would be able to concentrate."

"We are not unruly children," Sirius hissed.

"I never said that you were," Dumbledore said, turning towards the door. "Now if you’ll excuse me, I should be leaving."

"You- You’re crazy," Sirius muttered to his back as he left. He turned to James, who looked defeated.

"What… What do we do now?" he asked Sirius.

"I don’t know." Helplessness crashed through him, and on its heels was blinding anger. Sirius made a frustrated sound and punched the wall. He pulled his arm back to punch again, but was stopped by James grabbing his wrist.

"Sirius stop! Hurting yourself isn’t going to help him. There’s still a chance that maybe he comes back before nightfall. He will need us then."

"What if he doesn’t?" Sirius asked, and saying that made the anger flow out of his body, replaced by chest crushing sadness. "He hasn’t transformed alone in so long, James. And the Wolf will be ruthless in a new place. What will he do?"

"I… I don’t know." James ran his hands through his messy hair. "Let’s just go back for now," he suggested.

Sirius agreed and they left.

Lily and Peter had left for their missions so James and Sirius spent the time mostly sitting in silence till they came back. They looked stricken and angry when James told them what happened but they tried their best to give each other reassurance that Remus would be okay. To Sirius, it all felt like false hope.

After they left, apologizing again and again for leaving Sirius and trying to give him hope, he sat down near a window in the living room, from where he could keep an eye on the door and stared out at the darkening sky.

Through the numbing fear in his veins, he suddenly remembered the day before Remus left. How terrified he looked at leaving. How uncertain he looked when Sirius talked about the full moon. And-

_ Thank you. _

Sirius’ breath caught in his throat as he remembered the heaviness in the words.

_ Thank you. For staying _ .

He remembered how that felt so much more than just a thanks. Remus knew. He knew he could get stuck. He knew there was a chance that he wouldn’t come back.

It was a goodbye.

He fucking knew and it was a fucking goodbye.

_ Thank you. For staying _ .

Sirius dropped his head on his knees, taking a shuddering breath. Why didn’t Remus say something? Anything? He could have told Sirius where he was going so that Sirius could go there if he didn’t come back. He should’ve never even left in the first place.

Sirius looked up at the sky, stomach churning at the sight of the bright full moon.

_ Thank you. For staying _ .

_ ‘Why didn’t you stay, Remus?’ _ Sirius thought helplessly, blinking back the tears.  _ ‘Why did you lie?’ _

He pressed the heels of his hands tightly to his eyes. No. He wouldn’t cry. No, that would mean he was mourning. And he wasn’t. He wouldn’t. Remus had to come back. He had to come back, if only so that Sirius could yell at him for leaving without telling him the truth. Sirius wouldn’t lose him.

He couldn’t.

Minnie walked to him, meowing hungrily, so he went to the kitchen to get dinner for her. He knew he should eat too, he didn’t remember the last time he ate today; the day was a blur now. But he couldn’t bring himself to.

After eating, Minnie went to his room and jumped up on the bed. For the first few days, she had some trouble sleeping here, but Padfoot had helped, and today he needed it more than she did. The thoughts were simpler in animagus form and he somehow felt closer to Remus. So he transformed and crouched down near her, looking up at the moon through the window.

Even in dog form, he couldn’t fall asleep, just stared as the sky gradually changed, starting to lighten slowly and dawn broke, beams of light creeping into the room. If it wasn’t for his heightened sense of hearing in dog form, he would’ve missed the sound coming from outside the flat that sounded like an apparition. He transformed back, heart jumping to his throat and ran towards the door. He opened it and let out a choked breath at the sight.

_ Remus _ .

He was here.

He was alive.

Sirius could barely register the blood and dirt on him before Remus tried to step forward and stumbled. Sirius caught him, pulling him close to himself. His heart seemed to want to beat right out of his chest, and he was dimly aware that he was probably crying, but he couldn’t concentrate on that. He could feel Remus shaking violently in his arms and he could smell so much blood he thought he would be sick.

He didn’t know what to say or even think, but he knew the priority was the injuries. So he carefully led Remus to the sofa, making him sit down and dropped down to his knees. His hands were shaking with relief and numerous other emotions as he wiped his cheeks quickly and peeled off Remus’ torn shirt. He inhaled sharply at the sight; Remus’ chest and arms were covered in claw marks, jagged lines of torn flesh and broken skin. Sirius took a stuttering breath and cupped Remus’ jaw with one hand, and started healing the wounds with the other. There were wounds on his legs too, though less than his upper body, Sirius healed them and cleaned the blood and dirt. Then he accioed the vials of potions, taking out the pain relieving potion to give to Remus.

“Hey, can you hear me?” Sirius asked in a trembling voice, stroking Remus’ cheek. “You need to drink this.”

Remus blearily opened his blood-shot eyes, leaning forward and let Sirius slip the potion between his lips. Then, he gave him a resting potion too. 

“Sirius,” Remus rasped, voice hoarser than it used to be after transformations. “’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” Sirius gritted out, because he couldn’t take Remus apologizing right now. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Remus shook his head a little, eyes drifting close. Sirius leaned up to sit beside him and Remus dropped his head on his chest. Tears rolled down Sirius’ cheeks, but he couldn’t bring himself to remove his arms from their embrace around Remus.

“I thought you wouldn’t come back,” Sirius admitted, voice breaking with the emotions he couldn't hold back. 

“Me too,” Remus said after a pause, the words cutting through Sirius’ heart.

Remus’ voice was very feeble, so Sirius said, “You should get some rest.”

Remus nodded against his chest.

“Come on,” Sirius murmured, getting up and gently lifting Remus in his arms. Remus made a soft noise of protest, but then wrapped his arms around Sirius’ neck, burying his face in his shoulder.

Sirius carried him to his room and carefully put him on the bed, Minnie immediately jumping up there as well. Remus petted her gingerly and she curled up near the headboard. As Sirius draped the blankets over him, Remus asked in a small voice, “Will you stay?”

“Of course,” Sirius said and laid down beside him, pulling him close. Remus pressed his face to Sirius’ chest, hands clenching his shirt like he was afraid Sirius would disappear, and Sirius knew a thing or two about that.

Remus was still shivering slightly so Sirius pulled the blanket closer around him, running his hand over Remus’ upper arm slowly. After sometime, Remus stopped shivering and his fists unclenched, though his hands stayed pressed to Sirius’ chest.

_ He’s okay. He’s here,  _ Sirius told himself, concentrating on the steady movement of Remus breaths. His eyes were sore and his cheeks felt itchy, but relief was a heavy thrum in Sirius’ veins. 

Remus pulled back slightly to look at him and Sirius brought up a hand to cradle his face. 

“Sirius?” Remus’ voice was heavy with unsaid things and the way he leaned closer felt like a question. 

"Re," Sirius said it sounded like an answer. 

Remus closed the gap between them and as his lips pressed to his, Sirius could finally  _ breathe _ . 

He moved his hand to bury his fingers in Remus' hair and felt stupidly pleased at the sigh Remus let out at that. His heart felt too big for his chest, and every kiss and touch was making it beat faster. 

They pulled back for air, breathing heavily, and Sirius felt the words on his lips as Remus murmured, "I love you." 

He sucked in a breath, shutting his eyes for a brief moment. This felt like a dream, but also the realest thing ever. "I love you, too," he breathed out and kissed Remus again. 

They were however interrupted by Minnie nudging their heads and meowing. 

"Someone is jealous," Sirius said with a chuckle, shifting to make place for her between them. 

She crawled down the pillow and curled against Remus' chest. 

"I took such great care of her and now she doesn't even know me anymore," Sirius sighed, delighted in the soft laugh it got from Remus. "She missed you though," he added quietly. "We both did." 

"I missed you both, too," Remus said, voice thick with emotions. He reached over her to cup Sirius' cheek. "But let's not think about that right now." 

Sirius couldn't agree more. He knew they would have to talk about it, and the war was still spreading around them, but they had each other. And they would make it through it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Then they found out Peter is the spy, defeated voldemort and everyone lived! :D Anyway I hope you guys liked it! Reviews are really appreciated!


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